ho ho ho and a very merry christmas!

Well, first term is "finally" over. I use that word hesitantly, because finally makes it sound as though I've been awaiting it eagerly (which in a sense I guess I have because I'm in such need of a break) but it's come around so fast. But so slow all at once. As in it feels like we've been there ages. You probably won't understand that garbage unless you're at KBC or you've done it before, so don't worry if it doesn't seem to make sense!

It's a weird sensation being home. It feels like I've been plucked from my normal life and shoved back into my old life... though it's not my old life anymore because everything's changed. That's the worst kind of change too. Where everything is so familiar, yet so different at the same time. I've realised it's not just me that's changed, everyone else's lives have changed and moved on too. They didn't stop and preserve their old state just because I moved away. And that scares me to be honest. Hopefully I'll get used to it though. However, I doubt that 2 weeks is really enough for that!

Before I got back, I wasn't really overly excited about coming home; just about having an actual break. Which is also strange. Not sure whether that was due to the overwhelming experience of coming back at reading week or not, but it's nice being back now that I'm here!

I know that I've changed lots since moving away, and I know it's for the better, and that everyday down there I'm only getting stronger in my walk with God (even if it often means I feel really weak!), I just hope everyone else up here sees it like that too. If anyone from KBC reads this, I know it's nice having a break from each other, but I miss you all and look forward to hearing of your many adventures when our BIG family is back together!

And to everyone, have yourself a merry little christmas :)

Love.

preacher girl...

well, today I took a HUGE step forward... I gave my first preach/talk!

I was so scared. We'd been told about a week and a half before that some of us were going to be doing one (10 of us in my week), and had to prepare it ourselves and everything! Hmm. I thought "ha, yeah right" straight away! Seriously considered telling Mary (the "evil" woman making us do it)where to 'stick it', but realised they'd probably heard all that before, and thus would not be bothered by it in the slightest.. and would still make me do it. So I sat down, ready to chat with God, read through Colossians (our talks had to be based on something from Colossians, and see what He wanted me to talk about.

Man oh man. God makes you wait doesn't He! After a few days of stressing and feeling like maybe God doesn't want me to do this (cos He knows how awful it would be), I finally got a clear conviction that I hneeded to talk about unity in the whole church body. Hmm. Nice one. Something that I was pretty sure old people were meant to preach on. Get in.

However, as I looked into the topic, and thought about how this had actually influenced me and my faith, it started to grow on me... a lot.
I thought about St. Aidan's (sorry "Middlesbrough Community Church") and how, in recent years, there had definitely been an increase in the stress on joining churches together and finding unity, with Christ at the head. Was still a right stress-head about it though. Even though there was only going to be 5 other people in the room and it was only for 10 minutes. Whatever. I've never done anything like this before, and I didn't like the idea of it one bit (obviously, so I'll try not to go on about it... :) ).

Today came anyway, and I was pretty nervous (UNDERSTATEMENT). I had to take the bus cause my bike's knacked up, the bus was late, then there was loads of traffic, then there was a diversion that I had to take when I got off the bus because of construction goin on along the river, and by the time I got there, the groups had already started! ARGH. Not a good start. However, I was put with the one and only Davey P-unit (legend), which was great, cos Mary's lovely (but pretty scary), and also with Ian, Tash, Abi Jonas and Janette. Lovely lovely.

I went third. Nicely in the middle (safe!). Anyway, my turn came and I found that it's actually not that bad! I could MAYBE say that I even enjoyed it! WHAT?! I pretty much scrapped my notes, and went almost 5 minutes over my time 'allowance', but everyone said they didn't want to stop me because they loved it! I had a lot of passion and brilliant deliverance apparently! Hahaha. As if.

Check me out. Or God - cos there was NO WAY I did that by myself!

:)

identity?

In today's world, if you look carefully, it's crazy (and pretty worrying) to see how much everybody strives to get a true sense of identity.

Even celebrities spend more of their time making themselves an 'image' instead of actually doing their 'job' (sorry to anyone who thinks celebrities are good or whatever). The people we all see as being so secure and sure of who they are, what they wear, carefree from worries of what everyone thinks about them and so on, are just as insecure as everyone else. Probably more so. And that's why they have dedicated their lives to becoming accepted by the world. Funny how this pursuit usually ends up as quite the opposite (think Paris Hilton, Jordan etc etc - I don't really keep up-to-date on celebs, so couldn't really think of anymore names - but you all know who I mean).

I've been discovering my TRUE identity lately. My identity in God. The One who I can always trust, always look to in times of feeling fat, unattractive, down, useless and lonely. God's called me as His daughter. And He's called you all to the same (well, guys as sons but you get it). So if we feel like this all the time (or any of the time in fact), we may as well just be saying to Him that His creation is rubbish. Which it's clearly not. We have proof of this in everything we see around us. The earth, the sky, other people.

So we all need a good kick up the bum, identity re-think. Do we really need to get our approval and self-worth from things of this world? New clothes, vocal affirmation from others, a new hair cut? I don't think so. We have the best, forever faithful Father, who loves us ALWAYS, no matter what. Isn't that enough?

Don't think I'm being a total loser here, saying that buying clothes and getting a new hair cut and people saying "you look nice" are bad things to do or to feel good about... I'm just saying don't be bound by them. Don't dwell or rely on them. You are you. Who God made you to be, and nothing will ever change that. You have the Spirit living inside of you and THAT alone makes you all worth more than a MILLION stars.

the nature and character of God

Well. Tony Gray was in for three days this week to try and 'teach' us about the character and nature of our massive, indescribable God. Which kinda made me laugh at first. How the 'chuff' can you possibly teach people about God?

Surely He's so incomprehensible to the human mind that it's impossible to do anything of the sort?!
It takes a knowing... from the HEART to expand your knowledge of Him, right?

Turns out I was wrong... AGAIN! I couldn't believe I'd so quickly settled back into the old way of thinking, forgetting that it takes both heart and mind to know and grapple with the concept of God. Duh Anna. Turns out there's more than just a link between KNOWING ABOUT God and KNOWING Him. I'll try and explain what I mean better...

For a lot of the three days, we were shown just how tiny we are in the scheme of the Universe; loads of galaxies and planets, ridiculous distances between everything in space, other things in space (which I can't quite remember the name of) that are mind-blowingly beautiful and perfectly symmetrical in every way etc. etc. YET GOD CHOSE US! He chose US to have an intimate relationship with, to have dominion over the earth, to save us through the death of His own Son.

To be honest, if I was God, I'd have chosen the "Perfect Spiral" - or whatever it's called! I bet it's much more obedient... and fun.

Things like that have never really interested me too much, I guess because they're so far away... and guess what? They're still far away, but seeing pictures of them and the vast expanse that they fill, and knowing that God created them too just blew my mind!

Then we were introduced to God as our Father. The Creator of EVERYTHING... is our Father. W H A T?? I've heard it so many times, over and over again, but never actually stopped to think about what that actually means for us. Imagine, if my amazing Pa (there you go Dad :) ) had created all, and thus ruled over all (and was chuffin' ridiculously genius and creative and loving and merciful and full of grace etc etc)... that would mean that someday... I will inherit it someday (ARGH!). How special does that make you feel?

And that's exactly the same for us here!

photos (01/09 - 24/11)

ministry and mission

Ok, so a few weeks into the course, we had to decide whether to choose the Theology and Biblical Studies course or the Ministry and Mission option.

I chose Ministry and Mission, for all those wondering, and I'm now SO excited about it. The team is great and I know God's going to use us so much in begillions of challenging and scary ways this year. BRING IT ON.

I'll introduce you to the team...

[From left to right]:
Amy, Sarah, Dave, Ellen, Matt, Me, James (kneeling), Mike H (behind), Jack (being cool with me), Mike B, Eric

What will be our aim for this year? Well, it all changes next term (after Christmas), and we'll be travelling quite a bit (around both England and a bit of Europe; though where exactly has not been confirmed yet). We're going for very much the practical application of theology, putting what we learn in lectures, straight into action! The main teaching style will also change quite a bit, deviating from the usual "lecture-mode" to smaller group discussions and debates, listening a lot to each other's thoughts and genius. Remembering always that we're a worshipping community, brought together for the glory of God, to be used by Him for the bringing of more His Kingdom here on earth.

ARE YOU EXCITED? I am : )

the story so far...

Well, it's getting to the end of the 11th week here at KBCTC, and so far, we've had lectures on:

• Biblical Interpretation
• Old Testament Overview
• New Testament Overview
• Church History
• Pneumatology
• Christology

We've just finished the last day of the Christology lectures with Dave Perry ( check out his ghetto phunk at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxqyrBEqUSM ).

It's been a really intense past few weeks. Last week was "Holy Spirit Week" (an easier way of saying the pneumawhatsit). We had 2 days of theological and biblical basis for a lot of the work of the Spirit, followed by 3 days of (very) practical application (with John and Nom Bilson and Roger Cole). How to describe the end three days... AZRGLIBWD:ONEC:OLNIWEF;hSELUgfLKEGRFLKJHBEAk.

I wouldn't know what else to say. We were all so chuffin' exhausted by the end that we just wanted to sleep! BUT NO! We had Encounter Days (girls at the King's Centre and boys at 30 Pinnocks) on the Saturday, which were also immense, and 'managed' to keep us awake! Ha! God definitely changed something in every single person from KBC during these few days and I know for sure that (at least on my part) relationships with people here definitely deepened over the time as well.

On the Wednesday night, 88 Pinnocks girlies (us lot) had one of our infamous "Family Nights" in, and decided to watch "The Miracle Maker" altogether. Easy watching? Think again. After the film finished, the presence of the Spirit was so immense in our living room (ha!) that I didn't really know what to do! Then, one by one, He just moved us all. Broken and weeping, as a community, yet completely on our own, we all had such an INCREDIBLE, intimate experience with our great Father, because of what His Son did for us. I'll never ever forget that night. I doubt our neighbours will either... After the crying stopped, we were all just overcome with laughter, singing, shouting and dancing! VERY loudly indeed. Haha.

Thursday and Friday were both jam-packed with new challenges for loads of the group. Roger Cole (the pastor at my new church placement*) took over the joint, and 'forced' us all to step-out into new areas of worship, prophecy and tongues. It was AMAZING!

Saturday with all the girls from the college (staff and students) was pretty daunting at first. I was so sure that "emotions and whatnot" were going to be flying everywhere, and was not really looking forward to having to deal with a hoard of crying women at all... but in the end it was a great day! thoroughly enjoyed being away from the guys for a little while - they can just do your head in can't they (kidding... but really) - and loved getting to know the laydeez better!

*I've been placed at Henley Baptist Church with Amy and Sarah J. We've only been once so far, but it seems like it's going to be hilarious. It's mainly the older generation, but all very young at heart, eager for us to get VERY involved in EVERYTHING and love having "new, young, lovely faces about". Wicked.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This week has seen us back to a more structured lecture pattern with Dave Perry (don't forget; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxqyrBEqUSM), but God's still been doing some crazy stuff. We focused on 5 main points of Christ and His ministry:

1. Christ's Deity
2. Christ's Humanity
3. Christ's Death
4. Christ's Resurrection
5. Christ's Ascension

It's been so refreshing to go through the "details" (or simplicity) of it all. Actually, it's messed me up to try and comprehend how Jesus was fully God and fully man all at once, discussing both kenosis and pleroma (if you don't know what they are, it'd be a GREAT IDEA for you to research - not that it's necessary, just interesting...) views of how he did this whilst on earth. But, to actually go BACK TO BASICS and remembering that through Christ's death, ALL our sins are forgiven; through Christ's resurrection, WE are resurrected; and through Christ's ascension, a member of the HUMAN RACE is now in the presence of the Lord of Lords! I think that the basics of our faith are sometimes labelled "obvious" these days, yet they are THE essence of it ALL. They are the basis. Not just the basics.

Can I get a "WEYYY-O"!!!!

the gang

Right, confession time: I really have no idea how to use this site yet, so this will pretty much be a list of names along with a short description (of love) for each person... photos MAY come later, if I ever learn.

Beth (18) - Most of you will probably know her anyway, but she's crazy and I love her and I don't know how I'd survive without her. [update] this girl is so special. gifted in so many ways. this year it was so incredible to see how much God changed her, showing her that she was His child, and just how much He loves her. it brought me to tears many times. she was and is always there for me and i thank God for her every day.

Ellen (21) - Amazing, smiley girl, with a beautiful voice. Simple! [Check out her blog] [update] her songs dig so deep into real life situations, she speaks God's words with tender lyrics and beautiful melodies and she has the most beautiful smile.

Tash (19) - An inspiration to me. She's grown so much since September, and she's so much stronger than she would ever believe. Ridiculously funny. [update] this is actually pretty accurate already, she's just continued to grow in strength, faith and character throughout the year. Check out her blog.

Rach (22) - So funny without always realising it. Pinnocks Momma with a love for Asia. [update] rach is a very honest, caring person and has discovered God's gift of a discerning spirit within her this year which has helped so many through difficult situations throughout the year, me included!

Amy (18) - My saving grace and identical twin (in life not looks). One of the loveliest people you could ever meet. [update] nothing but further praise for this bootiliscious babe! she's so much more than just sensitive and caring, she's exciting, deep, and inciteful - we can all learn much from people like her!

Sarah J (21) - THE most honest and open girl EVER! Such a blessing and someone I love having as a true friend. [update] she can make anyone cry... even me! i love her i love her i love her. pray for her future, NATIONS are in store for this one.

Mark (23) - Big Bro!!! Sparky bear, love to have chats with him and just chill round his house - legend! But needs to lose the earring... [update] mr rob bell, matured loads this year and it's been great to watch that happen.

Dave (20) - Cool guy, likes to think he's from Manchester, but he's really a Teessider... since the past 3 years anyway. Loser! Who wouldn't take the opportunity to be associated with Teesside?! [Check out his blog]

James (19) - Quiet guy, but pretty mental. Don't think he quite gets me. Wicked laugh though... "What would Rocky do?" [update] this guy is amazing. he's so serving and kind-hearted. what a great guy. still don't think he quite gets me though... but that's ok.

Charlotte (20) - Schweeeet. CARLSBERG. Dude. What a grrreat girl. [update] invest your time into this one, she's got loads more to offer than you may first think.

Ian (24) - He's pretty silly. But good with computers. Oh, and he's Welsh. What a combo.

Abi (19) - Beautiful girl with an amazing artistic gift... at art, funnily enough.

Dan (19) - The American Man. He likes fantasy novels and can speak almost fluent Elvish.

Rebecca (34) - I really don't know how to describe this woman to you. She is simply incredible. She is the strongest, most loving, caring, supportive person EVER and I have no idea how I'd survive in Oxford without her. She has taken up (gladly I'll add), the role of my mum for this year (don't worry mum, you're so different she could never take your place!) and I love her to bits!

Earl (32) - Married to Rebecca - sooo laid back, brill worship leader and relaxing influence. [Check out his blog]

Jazz (28) - Funky lady from Derby! So real and down-to-earth :)

Rach P (30) - Thinks about EVERYTHING and gets dead mad! I love this girl, she's crazy!

Kat (25) - Nurse Kat, loves a cuppa tea and a chat!

Jo (31) - Listens to jazz music and likes nipping Beth's bum.

Abi J (22) - Likes to opera sing and do harmonies with EVERYTHING. Loves to ask questions.

Claire (22) - Little Claire from China! She's not really, she's from London, but she makes great Chinese food.

Dr Mark (28) - THE NICEST GUY EVER! So humble, a musical (especially piano) genius and just generally lovely.

Janson (33) - FAT HEAD! What a guy - so real and amazing, big in the prophetic and always such an encouragement. [update] this guy rocks. but wouldn't really know what else to say other than spend time with him and learn from him!

Mike B (23) - Mike is NICE! But not in the plain, boring way. In the way that "nice" should be used... but it generally isn't these days.

Tim (43) - My community group dad! What an amazing father and friend. A real inspiration and blessing.

Matt B (26) - Loves to make music, songs and raps, likes to think he looks like a certain Craig David.

Steve (44) - Want a bit of haute cuisine? Here's your man. Child-like simplicity to his faith. Pretty loud and "out-there"!

Mike H (24) - Funky dancer! Natural teacher and generally a cool guy!

Eric (26) - Francais! Makes INCREDIBLE apple cakes and is wicked at Badminton. [update] gentle giant. serving heart. still very french.

Jack (25 or 27; ones fake, ones real) - Brill Persian/Derby rapper, looks WHACK in bling and loves to play football!

Tony (35) - Has a legend of a bike and comes out with some corkers.

Janette (41) - Lovely lass! We love to belt out random tunes from many many musicals whilst doing community lunch wash-up :) [update] this lady is incredible. so beautiful, inside and out. i am so blessed simply by knowing her.

Beth T (28) - Amazing woman! Sings like a nightingale and is so beautiful!

Fran (28) - What a blessing! Has only been a christian for about a year, yet we can all learn SO much from her gentle, kind, loving nature.

Lisa (38) - Beautiful Lisa! You'll most likely know her too if you're from St. Aidans, but she's awesome and growing in her faith so much day by day.

Helen (27) - Helen is such a laugh! She's a lovely, friendly girl who lives next door to the local pub!

Sarah B (25) - Sports QUEEN! Studied at Oxford (woooo) and is really smiley! [update] i loved getting to know her, even if it was at towards the end of the year, and she's is brilliant. she's funny, real and is an inspiration in the way she is seeking God for herself.

Paul (31) - "Erm, so Dayve, am I right in thinking that..." Haha. Enough said. Funny guy.

Lottie (31) - Married to Paul, beautiful and gentle woman of God, with lots of interesting things to say.

from the beginning

Well, I've finally taken to drastic measures of contacting everyone, and letting them know what's going on, because I've come to the conclusion that I'm RUBBISH at keeping in contact. So, to anyone who may be angry with me because I've been rubbish, this is a sincere, heart-felt apology for all those times I haven't replied to phonecalls, emails, myspaces etc. etc.

Anyway, this is going to be my blog centre of genius, about my time here at King's Bible College and Training Centre (and hopefully beyond). Sorry I didn't get round to making one quicker, but feel free to leave any thoughts, comments etc. on here to let me know... anything!

Sweet deal.