ho ho ho and a very merry christmas!

Well, first term is "finally" over. I use that word hesitantly, because finally makes it sound as though I've been awaiting it eagerly (which in a sense I guess I have because I'm in such need of a break) but it's come around so fast. But so slow all at once. As in it feels like we've been there ages. You probably won't understand that garbage unless you're at KBC or you've done it before, so don't worry if it doesn't seem to make sense!

It's a weird sensation being home. It feels like I've been plucked from my normal life and shoved back into my old life... though it's not my old life anymore because everything's changed. That's the worst kind of change too. Where everything is so familiar, yet so different at the same time. I've realised it's not just me that's changed, everyone else's lives have changed and moved on too. They didn't stop and preserve their old state just because I moved away. And that scares me to be honest. Hopefully I'll get used to it though. However, I doubt that 2 weeks is really enough for that!

Before I got back, I wasn't really overly excited about coming home; just about having an actual break. Which is also strange. Not sure whether that was due to the overwhelming experience of coming back at reading week or not, but it's nice being back now that I'm here!

I know that I've changed lots since moving away, and I know it's for the better, and that everyday down there I'm only getting stronger in my walk with God (even if it often means I feel really weak!), I just hope everyone else up here sees it like that too. If anyone from KBC reads this, I know it's nice having a break from each other, but I miss you all and look forward to hearing of your many adventures when our BIG family is back together!

And to everyone, have yourself a merry little christmas :)

Love.

preacher girl...

well, today I took a HUGE step forward... I gave my first preach/talk!

I was so scared. We'd been told about a week and a half before that some of us were going to be doing one (10 of us in my week), and had to prepare it ourselves and everything! Hmm. I thought "ha, yeah right" straight away! Seriously considered telling Mary (the "evil" woman making us do it)where to 'stick it', but realised they'd probably heard all that before, and thus would not be bothered by it in the slightest.. and would still make me do it. So I sat down, ready to chat with God, read through Colossians (our talks had to be based on something from Colossians, and see what He wanted me to talk about.

Man oh man. God makes you wait doesn't He! After a few days of stressing and feeling like maybe God doesn't want me to do this (cos He knows how awful it would be), I finally got a clear conviction that I hneeded to talk about unity in the whole church body. Hmm. Nice one. Something that I was pretty sure old people were meant to preach on. Get in.

However, as I looked into the topic, and thought about how this had actually influenced me and my faith, it started to grow on me... a lot.
I thought about St. Aidan's (sorry "Middlesbrough Community Church") and how, in recent years, there had definitely been an increase in the stress on joining churches together and finding unity, with Christ at the head. Was still a right stress-head about it though. Even though there was only going to be 5 other people in the room and it was only for 10 minutes. Whatever. I've never done anything like this before, and I didn't like the idea of it one bit (obviously, so I'll try not to go on about it... :) ).

Today came anyway, and I was pretty nervous (UNDERSTATEMENT). I had to take the bus cause my bike's knacked up, the bus was late, then there was loads of traffic, then there was a diversion that I had to take when I got off the bus because of construction goin on along the river, and by the time I got there, the groups had already started! ARGH. Not a good start. However, I was put with the one and only Davey P-unit (legend), which was great, cos Mary's lovely (but pretty scary), and also with Ian, Tash, Abi Jonas and Janette. Lovely lovely.

I went third. Nicely in the middle (safe!). Anyway, my turn came and I found that it's actually not that bad! I could MAYBE say that I even enjoyed it! WHAT?! I pretty much scrapped my notes, and went almost 5 minutes over my time 'allowance', but everyone said they didn't want to stop me because they loved it! I had a lot of passion and brilliant deliverance apparently! Hahaha. As if.

Check me out. Or God - cos there was NO WAY I did that by myself!

:)

identity?

In today's world, if you look carefully, it's crazy (and pretty worrying) to see how much everybody strives to get a true sense of identity.

Even celebrities spend more of their time making themselves an 'image' instead of actually doing their 'job' (sorry to anyone who thinks celebrities are good or whatever). The people we all see as being so secure and sure of who they are, what they wear, carefree from worries of what everyone thinks about them and so on, are just as insecure as everyone else. Probably more so. And that's why they have dedicated their lives to becoming accepted by the world. Funny how this pursuit usually ends up as quite the opposite (think Paris Hilton, Jordan etc etc - I don't really keep up-to-date on celebs, so couldn't really think of anymore names - but you all know who I mean).

I've been discovering my TRUE identity lately. My identity in God. The One who I can always trust, always look to in times of feeling fat, unattractive, down, useless and lonely. God's called me as His daughter. And He's called you all to the same (well, guys as sons but you get it). So if we feel like this all the time (or any of the time in fact), we may as well just be saying to Him that His creation is rubbish. Which it's clearly not. We have proof of this in everything we see around us. The earth, the sky, other people.

So we all need a good kick up the bum, identity re-think. Do we really need to get our approval and self-worth from things of this world? New clothes, vocal affirmation from others, a new hair cut? I don't think so. We have the best, forever faithful Father, who loves us ALWAYS, no matter what. Isn't that enough?

Don't think I'm being a total loser here, saying that buying clothes and getting a new hair cut and people saying "you look nice" are bad things to do or to feel good about... I'm just saying don't be bound by them. Don't dwell or rely on them. You are you. Who God made you to be, and nothing will ever change that. You have the Spirit living inside of you and THAT alone makes you all worth more than a MILLION stars.

the nature and character of God

Well. Tony Gray was in for three days this week to try and 'teach' us about the character and nature of our massive, indescribable God. Which kinda made me laugh at first. How the 'chuff' can you possibly teach people about God?

Surely He's so incomprehensible to the human mind that it's impossible to do anything of the sort?!
It takes a knowing... from the HEART to expand your knowledge of Him, right?

Turns out I was wrong... AGAIN! I couldn't believe I'd so quickly settled back into the old way of thinking, forgetting that it takes both heart and mind to know and grapple with the concept of God. Duh Anna. Turns out there's more than just a link between KNOWING ABOUT God and KNOWING Him. I'll try and explain what I mean better...

For a lot of the three days, we were shown just how tiny we are in the scheme of the Universe; loads of galaxies and planets, ridiculous distances between everything in space, other things in space (which I can't quite remember the name of) that are mind-blowingly beautiful and perfectly symmetrical in every way etc. etc. YET GOD CHOSE US! He chose US to have an intimate relationship with, to have dominion over the earth, to save us through the death of His own Son.

To be honest, if I was God, I'd have chosen the "Perfect Spiral" - or whatever it's called! I bet it's much more obedient... and fun.

Things like that have never really interested me too much, I guess because they're so far away... and guess what? They're still far away, but seeing pictures of them and the vast expanse that they fill, and knowing that God created them too just blew my mind!

Then we were introduced to God as our Father. The Creator of EVERYTHING... is our Father. W H A T?? I've heard it so many times, over and over again, but never actually stopped to think about what that actually means for us. Imagine, if my amazing Pa (there you go Dad :) ) had created all, and thus ruled over all (and was chuffin' ridiculously genius and creative and loving and merciful and full of grace etc etc)... that would mean that someday... I will inherit it someday (ARGH!). How special does that make you feel?

And that's exactly the same for us here!