FREEDOM!

There was this Fairtrade and 'Stop the Traffik' awareness evening on at church yesterday, and this girl told this story that challenged me so much:

[Note: This girl is 15 and went to India at 14 years-old to work with her grandma in the red-light district to try and help some of the girls there, and interact with those who had already been rescued...]

She said that they were all just so joyful and happy everyday. And it puzzled her because she could not see anything in their lives for them to be even remotely happy about. So she asked this one girl who had been trafficked and forced into prostitution at the age of 11, why she was so joyful. And her response was, "For my freedom!"

Every day I wake up. Free from being a slave to the awful things these children have experienced for years... and what's more - COMPLETELY free from being a slave to sin and death and loneliness and insecurity... all the things that keep supposed 'free' people, bound yet unaware, every minute of every day.

And what are my first thoughts?

"Arghhh I can't believe it's day-time again. I can NOT be bothered..."

I need my outlook changing. I need to realise and never forget to be grateful for every thing.

My life. My freedom. My God.

Gal 5:1 - "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

how much do we really care?

God's keeps breaking my heart for people all the time.

It makes me feel quite uncomfortable, but it's so necessary. If I'm not motivated by a love for them, but a feeling of obligation, people know. And it doesn't go down well. We're called to LOVE people. And funnily enough, that's what they all crave. Our friends. Those closest to us, who don't know Christ... they'd probably never admit it, but REAL love is the only thing that makes them feel whole. Are we prepared to GIVE OF OURSELVES to help lead them to the One who lavishes all, freely, with the only perfect, whole and unconditional love that exists?

Matthew 9:13 - "I desire mercy not sacrifice."

still changing...

It's so weird. in my last blog, I mentioned how I was starting to feel more different now that I've finished King's... and it's still happening! Sooo many people who knew me either before or during (including those unfortunate to have known me for both) are starting to point out how much I seem to have changed. the most popular comment seems to be that I'm more 'chilled out'... mainly from those who got to know me throughout my time at King's... which doesn't really surprise me (as so much was constantly going on there, with God challenging me, my attitudes, my obedience and my faith through every single thing, I never could really just relax)... but even my mum has noticed a change. And she's been with me my whole life!

Honestly, I don't think it was just bible college that has brought it on; my trip to Uganda really did change me in many ways. For some reason, going there - the culture, the people, their joy and their thankfulness, changed me so much. Right at my core. They just take each day as they come. Praising God for every little thing. We stress about so much, so unnecessarily, and it just wears us down. I have so much to be grateful for, and how often do I remember that? Not that often really. It seems that, during my visit over there, God just completely opened my eyes to the small things. And how He blesses us again and again through them, but we hardly ever notice because it's things we take so much for granted. The people I met over there, both African and Western, are so aware of everything that God is doing for them, that they have faith for even bigger things! Because they see Him taking care of them in every other way! They trust in Him so intently because they see Him provide again and again. In food, in water, in friends, in joy, in hope, in love.

Emily (one of the girls on the team from Northampton with whom I went) and I took one of the evening devotions at New Hope with one of the family groups, and as we hadn't been given ANY prior notice about this, we were really just praying that God would speak to us about what He wanted us to do that evening. It turned out that we felt He wanted us to talk to them and talk them through God speaking to people (prophetically), and how He wants to talk to everyone, we just need to learn to listen. Then we spent a few minutes praying and waiting on God (baring in mind this was only a half an hour slot, with children as young as 4/5 years old), and then asked them if any of them had anything to share...

We waited.

And waited.

Until one of the older boys spoke up.

This is what he said:

"I feel that God wants us to remember to take up every opportunity. Never to be satisfied with simply living our lives. He has BLESSED every one of us by rescuing us and bringing us here [to New Hope] and this is not where He wants us to stop. He wants us to keep moving. To keep trusting. And to have faith that He will make our lives better. He has so much in store for us. To stop and feel sorry for ourselves because of what happened in our past is NOT an option. We need to look forwards and rejoice, for our futures are certain. Life with Him is our future. Praise God!"

Most of us haven't been through even half of what these children have.

We can learn so much from those who seem to have nothing.

new beginnings.

God's been so good to me over the past few weeks.
Blessing me with a joyful spirit even in the harder times. And it's made me start thinking.

Why has it shocked me so much to find that I can persevere and push into God through difficulties? In fact, I've found that in doing this, it has blessed me more so than digging deeper with Him through every day stuff.

For those of you who don't know (I presume most of you do), I moved to Manchester for university precisely three weeks ago this very day (I've just acquired internet this evening, hence why I'm. And it's been quite the rollercoaster.

Everybody I've met has been amazing, and I've made some brilliant friends already. I live with pretty incredible people. My church has been so welcoming and easy to feel a valued part of. The course I'm doing is great. I've settled in really well. Yet there's been a good few times when I've felt so uncomfortable in myself that I can't stand to be around anybody. Just as though, no matter what, I won't be accepted, or fit in. And it's stupid. Because I know that I've been accepted already by these people, yet the place the devil chooses to attack me is right there, where it used to trouble me so much, before God gave me the beautiful revelation of who I am IN HIM. Not in my relationship with anyone else. And it's that which I keep getting brought back to every time I feel like this.

I had expected to be changed SO much during my time at King's, yet when I finished, although people kept re-assuring me that I had, I didn't feel so different at all really.
But now I've realised... What had changed was more internal than external at that point. It was a process that hadn't finished... well, actually, had barely started. And it's taken me being brought out of the bible college 'bubble' for the work that God did to my thoughts, attitudes and character to be truly worked out.

And if uni has done anything to me already, bringing me out of the bubble is definitely it.

Recently I've had a real fire for prayer. For my christian friends, for my family, for my non-christian friends, and for the many new people I'm meeting now. And I continue to be amazed by just how much God has blessed me through it! In my first week (yep - Fresher's!), I had sooo many 'deep' conversations about my beliefs and my relationship with God it's crazy. Probably almost as many as I've ever had in my whole entire life before. And I know it's only 'conversations', but if we don't open our mouths, how are they supposed to hear the news that has changed our lives?

"What did you do for your gap year?" is such a great place to start. And I've found that most of the people I meet have taken them. Treasure chest.

Everybody's searching. So let's keep praying.

travels...

As most of you know, I have already been to North Africa earlier this year, but that's most certainly NOT the end of my travelling for this year! I'm off to Kasana, Uganda... TOMORROW!

I'm so excited. It seems as though I've been waiting for this trip for ever, but at the same time, it's come around much quicker than I'd expected! We have a huuuugely long trip to get there, with an 8 hour stint in Dubai airport (along with 3 boys - 10yrs or under, undoubtedly tired AND bored), which I won't pretend won't be a challenge, and one I'm dreading facing. So if you could pray for us for that... that would be brilliant. We have, it seems, quite a lot of activities to organise while we're there, so prayer for good ideas that all the kids (and older kids) will enjoy would be good too...

I'm feeling like God's speaking to me about Him doing a lot with me during this trip, which I'm real excited about, considering the dry(ish) period I've felt swallowed by since leaving college, and although I have no idea what this is all to do with (except for stepping out in leadership and stuff...), I have no doubt it will be more about living out the things I've learnt this year and the changes God's made in me, which is great!

Anyway, I'm starting my journey tomorrow, setting off to Northampton in the morning to meet up with the other guys from the team (we are flying from Birmingham airport), and I still haven't packed, so I really ought to get going...

Peace to you all, and I'll hopefully get an update on the trip when I get back... 1st of September if anyone was wondering.

Blessings :)

and it's over...

is it inevitable to reach the end of a year like the one i've just had, and wish you could go back and squeeze even more out of it? like you've wasted parts of it somehow? despite how much you loved (almost) every moment anyway?

i'm now back home in middlesbrough, it's been just over a week since i came back, and, in all honesty, i'm really struggling. i knew it would be hard being wrenched out of a situation you loved, surrounded by people you adore, in which you've grown uncomfortably comfortable (a.k.a it wasn't easy or actually 'comfortable' pursay, but it was stretching, challenging, and you really felt you were going in a positive direction)... but not quite this hard.

i went into kbc in september thinking "this is great, i get to let out the worst of me, get my life sorted out AND have a 'bit of a laugh', with a group of people i won't ever see again after it's all over!" sweet! now it IS over, i don't really feel the benefits of that anymore. i miss all those people i let see my worst. whom i became vulnerable with, and who became vulnerable with me. whom i shared some of the most spectacular and memorable moments with in my life (so far, of course). those i had not just a 'bit of a laugh' with, but times when i laughed so much i cried and felt like my head was about to explode.

don't get me wrong, i know God has SO much planned for us all, me included, even starting next year when i move to Manchester, but everytime i think back on the past year, i can't help that painfully happy nostalgia overtaking my common sense and sometimes even my faith in God Almighty. What if that was the best year of my life? What if all those promises God made to me during the year don't become reality? What if i spend the next few weeks, months or years, simply digressing back to the darkness that insecurity, mistrust and sin bring?

God did so much in me this year. Broke me free from so many chains, lifted my head, sealed my forehead with His mark of daughtership and told me He is never going to let me go. If you want to pray for me, and everyone else that has just left KBC (there's even a list of names I made aggges ago to help you, which I may update now, cos they were simply first impressions), please pray that we will now learn how to put all the theology we learned this year into practise. that we'll find (or create) community where we are now (or are going to be) and that any ditches we feel to be in, now the craziness and excitement of KBC has finished, will be ones we can see the other side of, we can see out of, because we know God's promised He'll get us out, teaching us much through it. they can't (and won't) last forever. that we'll keep remembering, and building upon everything He taught us this year in both our hearts and minds, looking to Him for wisdom and discernment, continuing to love each other and those we meet everyday.

blessings upon your heads.

Lent, Day 2.

Well. It's been an 'interesting' 2 days.
Number 88 hasn't had a full house as of yet, just myself and Ellen, so basically it's been ok, as far as moods and friendships go. However, I'm anticipating that when the rest of the house returns, spirits may be a little less forgiving, considering most of them won't have been eating sweet things or wearing make-up for a good few days... Oh 'fun'.

Anyway, on a more serious note. These are my musings so far...
I've decided to enter an extract from my journal for today, because hopefully that will pass on the gist of my thoughts:

"I praise You, my God. For all that You are. I thank You Lord. For I know You are always close by. Filling me with strength. Showing Your outrageous grace every minute that I live. It is how I can live, live in Your presence, and I continue to be astounded.
Glory to Your name."

Today's been a lot harder than yesterday.
And I've really had to set my mind to bouncing thoughts that distract me from the actual point of doing this. To seek God.
However, I have also found, that in the presence of my weakness... actually, because of it, He's really come through for me. And I know that He's shown me this so many times in my life, in so many difficult situations, yet it continues to amaze and surprise me! But it definitely stirs grateful praise (of which I SHOULD be full of all the time anyway) when I feel it so clearly as I have today.
He's kept me alert to temptation and wrong thoughts, and put within me a deeper hunger to spend time with Him like I've never known.

It's so true that "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God." - Matthew 4:4

I feel like I've come a little closer to understanding that today.

I've heard it said, that in times where humans feel their life is in danger, they will always seek out the bare necessities (water etc.). Forgetting all the luxuries we feel we 'need' these days.
Well, I know that my life isn't exactly on the line, but I have had things that I usually take for granted, and am so used to having, taken from my everyday life. And I've found that still, to be enough for my whole being to search out, often frantically, what I need to 'survive' this time. And that is seeking every minute to be in His presence. More time than I 'give' Him ('give' because He does not belong in time, and He created it, therefore it all belongs to Him already, so it's a bit of a silly concept really). So, so, so much more. How I have ever gone without continually living in a time of simply talking to Him, asking Him things, and praising Him I now have no idea. With the amount of unnecessary, worldly distractions occupying my time and my mind, no wonder I so easily lose sight of what actually matters...

Psalm 24:3-6
"Who may ascend the hill of the LORD?
Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false.
He will receive blessing from the LORD and vindication from God his Savior.
Such is the generation of those who seek him,who seek your face, O God of Jacob."

"...hair, chairs and thief..."

Well. Yesterday, I was happily alone in the house of 88 Pinnocks Way, taking a day of rest, reading in bed and lazing about (otherwise known as a Sabbath) until I was rudely disturbed by two random guys (otherwise known as Dave and Ian) that had felt the need to walk into my house (uninvited) and pester me until I provided some sort of entertainment for their "boring day"...

The outcome? A life-threatening mission to visit every KBC student house in 1.5 hours, ON FOOT, sitting in every chair in their living room, with myself having an extra mission (because I'm a girl - and girls can handle extra things like that) to steal something from each bathroom, and then at the final house (which turned out to be 21 Sycamore Road) to wash my hair when I say "I'm just popping to the loo".

Sussed? I think not. We accomplished true greatness on the day of Friday 26th January 2007. And I'll never forget it.

Amen.

... Now we just need to give people their stolen goods back... Or maybe I'll just keep them.

the year of ... 2007

Can you believe it?! It's actually 2007. and we're in our 2nd term already... well more precisely, we're going into the FOURTH week of term 2! It just seems mental. But we have to get on with it as always. No time to stop and moan!

Ok, first week back - grrreat. Bryn Franklin wasn't able to visit, so basically we were just left to a week of prayer (and prophecy of course) and waiting to see what the Holy Spirit wanted to do with/to us. Was brill. Loads of prophecies came out and it was just mega. As well as this, we were all having to read up on things for our seminar papers (which was on the topic "Signposts to Spirituality" - things in our faith that help us on our journeys of spiritual formation basically). I was looking at the season of Lent within the church calendar, and, to my utter surprise, it was really interesting! God's totally challenged me on my prayer, meditation and fasting through this. I've never really taken the period of Lent too seriously - always given up chocolate, sweets and crisps (the usual) for the 40 days, but never utilised my time or mind any better because of it. So this year is going to be completely different - God's been speaking to me about it all and I'm actually looking forward to it!

The second week was "Spiritual Formation" with a guy from Hatfield Bible College (the principle), Hatfield, South Africa, called Michael Neumann. DOOOOOD. This guy is AWESOME. He is the most challenging, intriguing, passionate, Spirit-filled, servant-hearted, humble, loving guy ever. His lectures were THE bomb (if anyone can manage to get a hold of the Cd's, lucky, lucky you), he had been praying for us all before he even got here (never met any of us) and had prophecies for each one of us (pretty much all of them were spot-on). We had him for dinner one night and he is so friendly! He even grated cheese for me (those who know me well will know that is my most HATED job when cooking) and then we sat and talked about things going on in the Muslim world, and prayed into it loads. He was just such a persistent character, and has challenged every one of us to become more prayerful and broken-hearted for the broken-hearted and the lost. Kudos Michael. He blessed us all incredibly. I thank You God for bringing us together under the odd circumstances and 'coincidences' that You did! I know everyone got very used to him being around college and we'll all miss him very much.

For the past week, we have had a guy from South Manchester Christian Fellowship, Andy Barclay-Watt (whatta guy as well)! He was 'lecturing' us on "Developing a Heart for People". When I say 'lecturing', it's because the two groups have split up now (M&M and B&T), so our group are in a separate room in a much smaller group (13 of us) and the 'lectures' are much more informal and interactive, taking a more practical route through the 'action-side' of what we're learning! This guy was such a blessing. The lovely, humble, REAL guy that he is was such an inspiration. Seeing the heart that God has put in him (clearly imparted some of His own) was just mind-boggling. And to think that we can seek and get that too is just crazy. But bring it on.

It's the only way this world will be changed.